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Post by {Kairi Hill} on Mar 17, 2009 11:29:58 GMT -5
Birdy can you help me improve as well. I'd like to get my grammer and spelling better, and learn how to get my brain working better to come up with longer posts.
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Post by ~/Birdybot\~ on Mar 17, 2009 12:09:10 GMT -5
Sure, I'll help you. All you've got to do is basically think of one aspect of something that's going on and mention every detail of it. Take a look at Iron's posts, for example; it explains the exact thoughts of her characters and their Pokemon. Practice makes perfect; let's run through a little serario, and I'll tell you ways to improve.
Right. You are Kairi Hill, since you know that character well. You have been travelling for while now, and so have plenty of experiance. The Pokemon in your party are a Milotic, Raichu, Bellossom, Togekiss, Azumaril and Prinplup. A wild Delcatty appears, and challenges you to a battle.
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Post by {Kairi Hill} on Mar 17, 2009 12:25:58 GMT -5
(I guess I'm supposed to respond in IC to that. Raichu huh? I'm going to have one of those in the rp soon, since I got Pichu)
Kairi runs up to the Delcatty, accepting the challenge. She sends out her Raichu to battle it,"Raichu! I choose you! Use Thunderbolt!" The Raichu charges up it's sacks and lets loose with a mighty Thunderbolt at the Delcatty. Kairi stands there crossing her fingers hoping the attack will hit. Meanwhile, while waiting she notices all of the beautiful flowers around the route,"There so pretty," she decides.
While the battle goes on Kairi picks a few flowers. The whole time she makes sure not to take her eyes off of the fight. She puts the flowers in her bag, and takes out a apple and bites on it, as she watches the sparks of Raichu's Thunderbolt fly towards the Delcatty.
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Post by ~/Birdybot\~ on Mar 17, 2009 12:41:39 GMT -5
((Better than what I've seen so far. Perhaps you might want to discribe in more depth about the move being used, or a paragraph as Raichu?))
Delcatty gave a soft mew as the cat glowed brightly on impact of the powerfull bolt of electricity. Her fur now stood up at odd angles, her face a little dazed as she gave a disgruntled sound as she shook herself down. Then her head began to glow- or was Kairi just imagining it? But, no; Delcatty's forehead became brighter and brighter until Psychic energy danced around it as the cat lowered her head. She charged forward; clearly, this was a Zen Headbutt attack.
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Post by Suisui on Mar 21, 2009 15:03:17 GMT -5
(( Any chance I could critique a little?
You should probably narrate your roleplaying in the past tense, Ko. Also, it's not as if the launching of the thunderbolt would take forever-and-a-day, and since she's not able to stop time, I highly doubt she'd be able to pick some of the flowers.
Like Birdy said, focus a little more on the Raichu and its attack;
'The Raichu gave a defiant cry as electricity welled up in its cheeks. For a moment, static lanced across its fur; then it let loose with its attack, a bright thunderbolt that sizzled as it moved through the air' would be more appropriate.
Also, no, a paragraph from Raichu's point of view would probably be a bad idea unless you're planning to do a huge post. It just gets too confusing. ))
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